What do we do in the face of evil or unspeakable tragedy?

Do we smolder in anger and impotency at what happened? Fall into despair at the state of the world? Bury our heads in the sand to avoid thinking about such things?

I confess I have wallowed in all of those options at times.

At the very least we can all agree to skip the empty platitudes and meaningless Hallmark-esque lines. (Cue the kitten posters)

Each heart knows its own bitterness. . .

Proverbs 14:10

Let us not say ‘I understand’ when we really don’t. How can we ever possibly expect to know the weight and depth of someone else’s sorrow, suffering or pain?

How do we wrestle with the immense suffering and injustice we see in the world and dare maintain faith in a good and loving God?

Why do such atrocities happen? Why does the world always appear to be getting worse, not better?

Why did my twelve-year-old cousin collapse in front of his father and die on the pavement while jogging?

Why did a young mother die when a drunk driver hit a street sign across the road and it flew through the air, striking her head and killing her?

Why was my beloved missionary friend electrocuted to death when she brushed against a loose wire while cleaning her home?

There are things we will never be able to make sense of on this side of eternity. We live in a broken world. This isn’t the life we were intended for.

C.S. Lewis said it better than I ever could: If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.

If we long for a world of peace, a world without injustice and oppression, without tragedies, chaos, and war, it doesn’t mean we are foolish or naive. It means we were created to live in such a world and our hearts revolt at the wrongness in this one.

God made us a promise. One day there will be an end to all injustice and evil. 

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Revelation 21:4

But when that day comes, it will be the end of the world as we know it. There will be no more opportunities to accept Jesus Christ and his marvelous salvation. There are still so many beloved friends and family of mine who are walking in the dark.

I am convicted while writing this that I need to do more, pray more for their salvation, love on them more, and share Christ’s light with the people around me.

So, while I long for an end to the evil and wickedness and seemingly senseless tragedies that occur, I believe in God’s goodness and patience. The world will not end until everyone who can receive salvation does.

I am recently coming out of a period of being bitterly disappointed and even angry with God. 

There was a prayer he didn’t answer in the way I hoped. That may seem juvenile to you, but it was something very dear to my heart and it caused me to walk through a lot of suffering and emotional pain. My faith was shaken and I varied between the deep despair of feeling abandoned by God and anger that He could allow such a thing if He really loved me.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to trust a God who allows us to go through such suffering. I want an easy and carefree path, not one hewn through pain and tears.

Sometimes in the midst of my suffering it is easy to draw near to God and seek his comfort. Other times, I feel myself getting soaked in bitterness and doubt. Then I want to step away.

During this period, for the first time in my life, I understood how it was possible for someone to walk away from God.

There were moments when I was tempted, but I kept coming back to Peter and Jesus’s dialogue after many disciples deserted him. Jesus asked, “You do not want to leave too, do you?”

“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.”

John 6:68-9

Even in my bitter disappointment and anger, I knew God’s word was true. He is the only true God. No matter how frustrated I am, no matter how much I can’t understand, He is the only one with words of true life.

Where else could I go?

Following Jesus is easy and yet difficult at the same time. It’s hard to follow the One who makes us walk through suffering.

At least we’re not alone. Consider what Jesus endured. He wasn’t spared the agony of suffering on the cross. Jesus’s death on the cross was ugly. It was brutal and was completely unjust. Yet from this impossible tragedy God brought the greatest miracle of all. God’s purposes are often inscrutable to us with our limited understanding. He said it himself. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

 So we have to wrestle with two seemingly incongruous truths: God is good. And God does not always spare us from suffering. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. . .He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

Romans 8:28,32

In the midst of pain, we can’t always see how He is working everything for our good.

For months, I bottled up the bitterness in my heart, which lead to an ever-increasing toxic load on my soul.

So how did I find relief?

When I was finally honest with a few trusted people, that lightened the burden, even though most of their well-meaning advice pinged off me like pebbles against an eighteen wheeler. Prayer helped though I wasn’t always motivated to pray. But when I did, I was honest with God about my anger, heart-brokenness, and feelings of abandonment.

I asked him repeatedly to renew my trust in him and restore our relationship . It’s still not perfect, but through my wrestling with God, I am growing the faith to believe He is good and He loves me in spite of what I went through. He heard my prayers but in light of eternity and my own well-being didn’t answer in the way I expected.

I still don’t understand why. Maybe I never will. But my struggles have given me me more compassion for other struggling believers and anyone who wonders how a good God can let such evil happen (yes I know that’s a loaded question, and no I don’t think those stock answers of ‘God didn’t do it, but He gave people free will. . .’ or ‘God didn’t do it, He allowed it. . .’ etc. are particularly helpful to a heart steeped in inconceivable grief).

I’m not a theologian or a person of profound wisdom, but I can say I have wrestled with God (and probably will continue to wrestle with him about the issue of suffering) Even though I beat my chest and don’t understand, He is God and I trust that He will bring an end to all suffering at the right time.

At the very least, it serves as a reminder not to get too comfortable, as I am wont to do in this life, because this world in its present form is passing away. 1 Corinthians 7:31

How now to conclude a matter that is still on-going in my life and probably all of yours as well? How do we make sense of the suffering in this world?

 Should I exhort you to make the most of this brief time we tread upon this  earth, because our lives are like a mist that vanishes (James 4:14) and the days are evil(Ephesians 5:16)?

Or should I point you to the practical wisdom of King Solomon? “All go to the same place; all come from dust and to dust all return. . . So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot.” (Ecclesiastes 3:20, 22)

This humble writer can say one thing for certain, there is only one person who has been there for me through all life’s ups and downs. Jesus Christ, who loved me enough to die for me while I was flinging stones at him and cursing in his face. I don’t know what joys and sorrows the future will hold, but I have found the one my heart loves. (Song Of Songs 3:4)

It’s only by holding on tight to him and never letting go that I find the strength to face tomorrow.