The Reason

I wanted to die.

I hated everything and felt completely alone.

The guy I had secretly been crushing on for months just started dating someone. And it wasn’t me. I was so angry. I planned how I could steal him away and get revenge on her at the same time. The worst part was that she was one of those crazy “Christians.” It made me so furious, I was about to explode.

If God exists, he must hate me for giving me such a miserable life, I thought.

I went back to my dorm, throwing my backpack across the room. Swiping books, pencils, and notepads off my desk, I raged, scattering objects all over the floor. I slammed my desk drawer open and closed. I took stationary from inside the drawer and lobbed it at the bed.

Then I saw it—all the way in the back— a little yellow and green Bible.

How did it get there?

I had never noticed it before. It was The One Year Bible and like a calendar, it had little sections for each day of the year. Just for the heck of it, I flipped it open and started reading.

This is what I read:

The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; but the Lord laughs at the wicked for he knows their day is coming. The wicked draw the sword and bend the bow to bring down the poor and needy, to slay those whose ways are upright. But their swords will pierce their own hearts and their bows will be broken. Psalm 37:12-13

In that moment, I knew I was a wicked person. I was an enemy of God. That freaked me out because I know where wicked people end up, h-e-double hockey sticks, that’s where.

I had always thought I was a good person. Especially compared to other people. But the Bible clearly showed me in God’s eyes, I wasn’t.

This was shocking.

Over the next year, I started reading The One Year Bible and was amazed. Why didn’t anyone ever tell me Jesus was so cool? He stood up for women, helped the weak and wasn’t intimidated by anyone.

And God was cool too! He didn’t care about how people looked on the outside. He was focused on what went on underneath the surface, in our hearts and minds.

God was drawing me in through the words of the Bible, helping me get to know him better. And the more I knew him, the more I liked him. There was nothing I could hide from him, no hidden thoughts or secret shame. He knew the absolute worst about me and loved me anyway.

Even more important, he made a promise:

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)

Everyone I know has let me down and disappointed me at one point or another.

But not God.

He is always with me. There’s no place that’s beyond his reach and nothing I can do to screw up so bad that he’ll stop loving me.

Jesus Christ is the reason I’m alive today.

If you want to know more about God, just ask him. It’s that simple. Ask him to reveal himself to you and he will. He wants to help you.

Pick up a Bible, check it out.

Visit a church, talk to people. You can even message me through the contacts page. I’m always down to talk about God. 😊

♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥

 Some more promises that helped me through dark days:

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

“For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13

“List my tears on your scroll—are they not in your record? Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help. By this I will know that God is for me.” Psalm 56:8-9

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17